How to Cope with Christmas Loneliness

Christmas is seen as a time full of festive cheer and is advertised as a magical time full of joy, good times and quality time with family and friends. For those who don’t have family and friends around them, this can trigger many different emotions. The magic of Christmas time is advertised from as early as November each year. Halloween is just gone and the shops are full of Christmas decorations and gifts. We become bombarded with Christmas advertisements on television and online. Some people simply don’t like Christmas but for others, there are many different reasons why loneliness becomes part of their lives during this festive time of year. Loneliness is a state of mind,  a universal human emotion and a unique feeling for those who experience it. It can make us feel unwanted and empty inside.

Let’s take a look at some of the reasons why people feel lonely at Christmas…

The Past 

Some people are reminded of difficult Christmas times they had in their childhood which is traumatic for those involved.

 

Loneliness and Isolation

This Christmas could be the first Christmas alone for some people. It could be the first Christmas following the death of a loved one. It could be the first Christmas following a relationship break up. It could be a time without family members who are unable to get home to spend the festive season with their loved ones. Family disputes may be happening for various reasons resulting in loneliness and isolation within families. You may be someone who is living away from family and friends or someone who is struggling with a long term disability or terminal illness making Christmas very lonely for you.

 

Financial Worries

Financial worries may be impacting people. These worries can really affect our mental health and relationships.  The stress of money worries can cause arguments and stress within relationships.  Problems sleeping, unhealthy eating and substance abuse can become problematic. Some may withdraw into a dark lonely place.

 

Covid 19

Christmas 2020 was a particularly lonely Christmas for many. To sustain positive mental health and well-being it is important to be physically and emotionally connected to others. The covid pandemic changed Christmas for us all. The Irish government appealed to us to reduce our in-person contacts resulting in people left feeling lonely and empty inside. A covid vaccine was in sight but Christmas 2020 was unlike any most of us have ever seen. Night’s out with family and friends were put on hold. We were forced to disconnect from each other in order to protect each other. This Christmas 2021 will also be difficult due to the impact of Covid 19. Some of us may have lost family members and friends as a result of Covid 19. Loneliness has become part of many people’s lives as a result of this pandemic. In Ireland, the latest Central Statistics Office research has shown that the number of people who felt lonely all or most of the time doubled between April and November 2020 from 6.8% to 13.7%.

Domestic Abuse

When we think of being lonely we automatically think of being on our own alone.  When someone is lonely it doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is actually physically alone.  Some may be struggling within a domestic abuse situation. Others may be struggling within unsupportive relationships with family members, work colleagues or friends. If you are experiencing abuse you are not alone. There are supports available and people who will help you. Reaching out to a friend can help. Women’s Aid provides a 24-hour national freephone helpline where callers are listened to, supported and not judged. This helpline also provides a free instant messaging service. Men’s Aid Ireland provide a national confidential helpline. Online therapy is also something to consider when reaching out for help and support. 

 

When we understand the triggers that make us feel lonely at Christmas we can learn how to cope with the festive season. It is important to normalise those feelings of depression, loneliness and sadness during the holiday season. It is ok not to feel ok. It is a normal reaction to what is going on in our lives.

Let’s take a look at some of the ways we can cope with loneliness during Christmas time…

Try to Speak Out

It is a good idea to try to speak to someone. This can be difficult for those struggling within a deep state of loneliness. Hearing yourself say those words ” I am feeling lonely ”  can help you connect with others. Some people may decide to phone a helpline to speak to someone they don’t know.  Some of these helplines include Aware, Alone and the Samaritans. It can be so easy to give advice to someone to speak out but no doubt it is not an easy step. In December 2020 the Samaritans answered almost 35,000 calls, there was an increase in the number of people saying they felt lonely and isolated when compared with the figures for 2019.

Self- Care

When we experience loneliness our mood can become low. Stress, anxiety and other mental health issues can be a concern. Day to day activities can seem very difficult, sometimes impossible. Our concentration can be affected. Making time for things we enjoy is good for our self-care. Some examples include taking a walk in nature, participating in hobbies, listening to relaxing music, reading a book or watching a movie.

Say Yes!

You may be experiencing loneliness because you have turned down invitations from family and friends. It’s ok to change your mind and rearrange invitations. It can be difficult due to Covid 19 but even going for a walk with someone can be very beneficial.  Saying yes to invitations can be a difficult process especially for those struggling with social anxiety but it can be empowering to challenge ourselves.

Volunteering

During the Christmas season, organisations need volunteers to help those less fortunate than ourselves. Volunteering helps us connect with others and meet new people.

Online Celebrations

Connecting with family and friends online this Christmas may be an option to consider. Socialising virtually will help keep everyone safe during these challenging times.

Seek Professional Help

It may be helpful to contact your GP if you feel loneliness is having an impact on your mental health. Others may consider making an appointment with a professional therapist. Some people experience a deep and constant feeling of loneliness that stays with them no matter how many friends or social connections they have. Working on these feelings with a trained therapist will help. Therapy will also help to build self-worth and learn coping strategies to combat loneliness.

We can’t avoid Christmas. It comes around every year. It’s a time we can’t get away from. Every corner we turn we are faced with shops filled with busy shoppers. Christmas lights are sparkling in almost every street. Restaurants, pubs and Christmas markets are busy with people celebrating the festive season. You may be feeling lonely but know that there is help out there. We experience loneliness in our lives for different reasons. Try not to bottle your feelings up.  It’s important not to be afraid or ashamed to ask for help. It takes courage to speak to someone about how you are feeling. It is a strength in itself to be able to ask for help and support.

If you are reading this article and know someone who is feeling lonely maybe pick up the phone and call them, send them a text or pop a card in the post. With Covid restrictions this year it can be difficult to call in person to those whom you know may be feeling lonely but even a phone call can be so important to those struggling with the impact of loneliness. 

Have a happy and safe Christmas everyone…!