Christmas Family Drama

Andy Williams described it as ‘the most wonderful time of the year’. There are parties, presents, and people travelling home from all over the world. The streets are filled with festive songs, decorations, and last-minute shoppers. Children get excited for Santa and Christmas jumpers are worn in the workplace. By Christmas eve we arrive where we will be spending the Christmas holidays, and this is where the real fun begins. 

For many people, this is the one time of year that all of the extended family gather together. There are cousins, aunts, and uncles that we haven’t seen since this time last year. Some we get excited to see, others not so much. Families can be our biggest supporters but also our biggest critics. There are also a lot of expectations from family members, whether it’s our career choice, finding a partner, or starting a family. So how do you navigate those awkward questions, uncomfortable moments, or difficult topics? Here are a few tips to survive the Christmas challenges.  

Wanting to be ‘Home Alone’ 

After leaving the family home, we find a great deal of independence. We have our own space, whether it’s living alone, with friends, or with a partner. It can be difficult to return to your childhood home, surrounded by your parents, siblings, and pets. It might be overwhelming at times. This is completely normal and okay. It’s different from your normal everyday life so can be very draining. Here are some ways to recharge your social battery: 

• Get out for a walk on your own. Use the dog as an excuse if needed. 
• Take a nap – you can get away with napping a lot more around Christmas. 
• Offer to go to the shops for supplies – this is a chance to get away from all the noise at home. 

It’s a Wonderful Life 

Another thing we have to put up with at Christmas is hearing how well others are doing in life. Your friend has been working remotely from the Bahamas; your cousin has built their second house with their gorgeous husband and 5 beautiful children; your neighbour’s son just got appointed as the CEO of some major company. This can really knock our self-esteem and make us forget what positive things are happening in our own lives.  

• Remember that you are only hearing a snippet of that person’s life. There may be lots of things that aren’t going so well. We rarely start a conversation by telling everyone what is going horribly wrong for us. 
• Take stock of the things you are grateful for in your life. 
• Ask yourself would you even like to have the things others are bragging about. Are they actually important to you? 

The Nightmare Before Christmas 

Disasters happen in life and Christmas time is no exception. You forgot about the turkey, and it was burnt to a crisp; the present you ordered online 3 weeks ago still hasn’t arrived; you missed the last train home by a millisecond. These are all examples of when we might start to freak out and think that Christmas is ruined. Take a second to think about this. 

• Will this matter in a few days or weeks from now? 
• Is this what is important at Christmas time? 
• Is there a backup option? If not, will people understand? 

Love Actually 

Christmas is full of romantic songs and movies, as well as a lot of engagements. If you’re single, this can be tough to navigate. What’s even tougher is the relentless questioning from family members about your love life. When are going to settle down? What’s a handsome lad like yourself still doing single? Are you not thinking about having children? These are all really invasive questions, and if you notice yourself asking these types of questions, I’d suggest taking a bit of time to think before doing it. If you are faced with these kinds of questions, here are some ways to respond: 

• ‘I prefer not to focus on those things.’ 
• ‘I find it a little uncomfortable talking about this, do you mind if we don’t?’ 
• ‘I’m actually very happy with my life as it is now.’ 

If you find yourself getting upset by these questions, remember that a lot of the time people ask these questions out of habit, or because they think those kinds of things bring happiness. Try to turn the conversation around to the things that do bring you joy. 

Frosty the Snowman/woman

Every family has some complicated relationships in it. If you find some people difficult to be around, you are not alone. It might be that your father dismisses everything you say, your sister snaps at you regularly, or your aunt ignores you. These kinds of interactions can wear you down and make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. It’s important to remember: 

• It says more about them than you – they may be lacking communication skills. 
• Try not to take it personally – sometimes it could be what is going on in their lives. 
• It’s ok to stand up for yourself and call out the behaviour 

Office Christmas Party 

The mulled wine has gone down a treat, you’re in your finest Christmas jumper and the night is looking good. Fast forward a few hours/Proseccos and you’ve told your boss she micro-manages the team and you’ve kissed the guy you sit next to in the office. Here now enters The Fear. We’ve all been there; we want the ground to swallow us up or for the office to get flooded for 6 months so we don’t have to face up to our mishaps. Unfortunately, Monday morning arrives, and it’s time to face the music. 

• Take initiative to have a conversation about what happened. The likelihood is that everyone else may feel a bit awkward too. 
• Apologize if you said something insensitive or inappropriate – we all make mistakes but it’s important to clear the air. 
• Laugh about it – laughing breaks any awkward tension that might be lingering. 

Whatever challenges you face this festive period, remember that you are strong enough to get through it, you deserve to feel good, and you won’t have to see some of these people again for another 12 months!! 

Wishing you a very merry Christmas and a wonderful new year!